There were many things that Kazuto could say he strongly disliked. Cold tea, coffee, bad music, and several other things made this list: to say the least, Kirito certainly had a distaste for a lot of things. However, there were very few things that he could say that he downright hated. In fact, off the top of his head, he could only think of one: Kazuto Kirigaya absolutely detested the Gotei, the Seireitei, and by extension, the whole overarching system that ran both of them. That wasn't to say he hated every member of the Gotei, as he certainly didn't: there were plenty of people part of its various squads and teams who had perfectly justifiable agendas. No, it was the system itself and those who ran it at the highest level whom he hated.
This hate was the exact reason that Kirito was sitting in the living room of his own home, awaiting a guest. Kirito had only met said guest once in the past, but had recognized her power immediately during said meeting. The spiritual energy she possessed certainly was substantial, according to his assessment. Put simply, she was strong: at least as strong as Levi, and, as much as Kazuto wanted to deny that the guy could lift so much as a toothpick... well, he certainly could. That was, to him, and hopefully to the seireitei, a scary concept. With this in mind, after deliberating for a good few months on where he'd be taking his life in the future and several instances of him both literally and figuratively beating himself up, Kirito had come to decide that he would be fighting. Fighting against the Gotei as a whole, that is.
Yeah, he knew it was a dumb idea. Hell, that was part of why it had taken him so long to decide upon following it through! But, nonetheless, it was the only reasonable course of action besides staying under the radar for the rest of his life... however long that might be. Of course, inaction was practically a sin to Kirito, so he just had to go with the other option. On top of everything, it meant that maybe he could redeem himself in the eyes of his old colleagues: maybe he could do something to cast any light other than the, "Ew, he's got an inner hollow and is a deserter" light upon himself. Regardless, he'd made his decision: it was time to ready for war, and gather every force that he could to aid him. His premise was simple: the world's most power fascist, racist and corrupt government didn't just affect him after all, so clearly it might be worthwhile for him to gain some allies from other races, and possibly beneficial for said allies as well.
Thus, he was sitting here, waiting for a kn-
His train of thought was interrupted by a knock. His facial expression forming into that of a slight smile, Kazuto got up off of his soft living room chair and walked up to the door of the home, opening it swiftly and without hesitation. Nobody else really visited him except his... urgh, boss, so there was no real reason for him to worry about some stranger approaching his door. As usual, his instincts were correct: standing in front of him was the person he had been expecting. With this in mind, Kirito happily welcomed his guest with a greeting, ushering them in to the home while doing so.
"Hello. I hope you found your way to the house fine? Also, please, do make yourself at home: does the living room suit you for our conversation?"
Kirito's fist slammed down onto the table, a fissure appearing in the wood and slowly making it's way up the right side of the object until it stopped about halfway up the whole thing. Anger spread throughout his features very quickly, and as you would expect, the words that followed this expression were... less than happily spoken.
"Let me be clear: you kidnapped my then GIRLFRIEND! Pretty sure I had a fucking right to attack you. The others were... well, they attacked me and I defended myself. I promised not to hurt you if it turned out that you weren't the person who had kidnapped her! On top of that... well, the other reasons for me being there don't matter! The point is, you're alive, and maybe, just maybe, the fact that Ai has some kind of attachment to you is part of that reason! Hell, Ai can even tell you exactly what I said!"
Kirito's disregard for the true reasoning behind his presence in Hueco Mundo, whether it be a death wish, a desire to be noticed, an expression of personal hatred for hollows, or all of the above, was rather unfortunate. Unfortunate in that, a certain somebody decided it was a good idea to interrupt in this rather less than perfect moment.
"I suppose you're just not going to admit to your sins? Going to let them crawl throughout your consciousness and conscience until they take over, ruling over your mind and driving you insane? I'll love to see this. After all, it took you a whole genocide campaign and killing yourself to figure out that you were a hateful maniac, so I wonder what'll take for you to admit that much another person? Ooh, and maybe even apologize after that. No, that's probably a stretch for scum like you."
Kirito instantly winced, doubling over and grabbing onto his head in pain. His spiritual energy spiked alongside this, any semblance of control being briefly lost in this one moment. Murderous intent filled the air, and as much as Kirito wanted to keep this situation civil, The voice of that monster was like nails running along a chalkboard to him: each word drove him closer and closer to the edge of his sanity, and these days, that stuff was already lacking in his life.
"Get out of my head, asshole!"
"I don't remember you ever being able to kick yourself out of your brain."
"Please, you're a far cry from being me. The sooner I can get you out of here, the better off I'll be. Hana, ward him off please?"
But nobody came. The sound of his cry for help seemingly ran upon deaf ears, so he tried again.
And still, nobody came. The only response was from... that thing.
"Took you this long to notice? Damn, you really are an idiot. She's been gone for days. I just keep quiet... y'know... waiting for the opportune moment or whatever. Anyway, doubt she'll be back until you "get rid" of me, or whatever that fallacy of yours is. Just know this: I'm here to stay. The sooner you accept that, the better. For you or me... well, that's not something I feel like telling you."
Kazuto went silent for a moment, this brief moment of pain seeming to prolong itself forever. When he replied, the fury in his voice was evident, yet it was a silent kind of fury, much like the eye of a storm.
"When I figure out however it is I can get in there and deal with you, I'm going to crush your throat with such force that any sort of meddling you've been up to inside my soul is undone. My steel will NOT be silent, and neither will I."
He was replied to with a disinterested sigh, and then, suddenly, the pressure vanished. The conversation appeared to have taken place in all of a moment, if that, but the impact of his pressure was evident. It would be a surprise to him if he hadn't knocked some of the weaker members unconscious and rattled all of the others in the least. With this in mind, Kirito stood up and straightened his back, speaking with a renewed sense of distaste for both whatever was inside him, and Levi's rather heinous plans here. However, unlike before, this little speech of his wasn't ridden with rage. It was just spoken pridefully, and without any hesitation behind any of the words.
"...Now that that's out of the way, and I do apologize for the table and the interruption, I'm going to reitterate my statement. Ai Shirai, you have no business kidnapping an innocent girl, regardless of whether her father is innocent or not. Have me dirty my hands for her: I won't kidnap the girl, Levi, but I'll bring this Yakuza enemy of yours down before the evening is through, no questions asked. I promised I wouldn't hurt an innocent, and I hold by that. Maybe that helps my credibility in both of your eyes, and maybe not: either way, I could care less, as my morals are my morals, and I'm entirely aware of what my promises in the past have entailed. Whether you two choose to have selective memories over them is your own choice."
Prideful certainly was the word I'd use to describe his tone, to say the least: how ELSE could you describe it?
You're kind of being a cunt, not going to lie. I'm gonna warn you once: stop being disrespectful. Seriously. Can it and take it to some private channel: this is a thread with a certain purpose. At least have the decency to follow said purpose.
Why are you all being so mean to Chie? Jesus Christ, the girl has a right to dislike me, I was kind of a dick, and admittedly, was a terrible writer at the time of our significant threading. Honestly, the way people gang up on others on the site sickens me. Sorry for not talking about it now, but damn. You guys are straight up being assholes. Specifically you Kyou, and admittedly, Kas. Seriously: be careful about what you say.
You're: >The (Second) Most Famous Transcendental >Inventor of The Meme Skill (Culinary Arts) >The First Transcendent Ranked Hakuda Player >One of Three Players To Ever Have A Prestige Character And A Transcendental Character (You, Kionchi, and Shun) >The Site's Most Infamous Player >Just An All Around Great Writer
Physical Description ~ 200/200 I'm not gonna lie about this one: your spacing inconsistencies, style of description, and general format you use to write the whole application kind of bother me. However, none of these things directly, or really even slightly effect the amount of detail you put into each section. You certainly cover each and every one of the bases we ask for, and after reading the whole section, I get an excellent idea of what Umbrum looks like: he is a tall, lean, casually-postured figure with a voice that you'd naturally associate to such a person. Not too deep, but not too high. On top of that, your mention of the "melodic" nature of his voice has my mind envisioning his speech patterns, and equating them to that of Tamaki Suoh, from Ouran Highschool Host Club. Articulate and always interested. His spiritual description matches well with this.
Personality ~ 400/500 Much like the first section, I don't totally latch on to this descriptive style of yours as well as your format. However, this is, as I'd expect, a very detailed section. I know exactly what type of person Umbrum is from reading this section, and that's something rarely achieved. However, there is some improvement you could make in regards to fluff: there's so much detail in here that it's hard to discern what isn't helpful and necessary in regards to Umbrum's personification from what is. The problem here is that you overlap on multiple fronts, and while this is good to an extent, I see the same points and same traits being revisited almost too much. In the future, try to avoid backtracking, as I feel, as with your physical description section, your mix of detail and description is best left in a direct form, line by line. I found this section, for example, significantly harder to get through than your physical description, mostly because of this. If you can overcome this, I can see your detailed writing style taking you places easily.
Power & Race-Specific Details ~ 300/500 Fluff! While some fluff is important, as I mentioned earlier, you overdo it just a bit here, and that makes the whole section seem a lot bulkier and more unwieldy than it needs to be. As a whole, I found the section informative and entertaining, but there was just too much unnecessary information to justify it being this long. For example, the first paragraph's earliest parts seem to have little to no relevance to the rest of the section. Also unfortunately present are a variety of run on sentences and grammatical issues: these, while present in other parts of the application, peak here. An example of this would, once again, be the majority of the first paragraph (especially it's later parts), which both run on, and fail in regards to conjunctions on various occasions. Your inner world section, while short, is a great example of what you all around need more of: detailed, short, and direct paragraphs which give all the necessary information and a little bit of room for the brain to wander. Despite all that I've said, your power and zanpakuto sections as a whole are both detailed, and contain information that works well with your character. I certainly can't fault you there.
History ~ 300/300 This is, frankly, an excellent example of a story, especially in regards to the introduction of your character. From his origins to his time in the rukongai, I love the world you build around him, and how his tiny daily interactions don't go unnoticed. Sure, the grammar might not always be great and the sentences might run on a LOT, but for the most part, this is an excellent, highly descriptive section. It feels like you put equal amounts of effort into every section, and the fact that you seem to be almost roleplaying through certain segments of the character's story adds significant depth. This is definitely your style at it's finest, and especially so in regards to this application. Work a little more on that grammar and avoid those run on sentences? You'll be a stellar character writer, and'll certainly find your way upwards through BG's ladder of importance.
Physical Description MINIMUM TO GET A GRADE. THESE MUST ABSOLUTELY BE PRESENT ~All fields are filled in (Includes the "At A Glance" section. Physical Description and Spiritual description require 50 words each.) ~Snapshots must have dates and must be ordered chronologically. ~There should be no more than a total of FIVE grammatical or typo errors for every 100 words. This includes typos, incomplete or run-on sentences, improper usage of commas, semi-colons, hyphens, and periods. For every second time a person uses a single word incorrectly, it counts as a single “error”.
PRIMARY CONCERNS ~General knowledge of when to use descriptive words, how to make good use of words, flowing paragraphs, and the absence of fluff and filler. ~Clear tie into their personality, power, and/or history. ~Expanded hair, weight, height, eye descriptions in the Physical Description write up.
SECONDARY CONCERNS ~Spiritual description ties into their personality, power, and/or history. ~Detailed explanation of speech, demeanor, and posture. This should, in some way, tie into their personality or otherwise make sense for the entire character presented.
ADDITIONAL BENEFITS ~Detailed explanation of clothing and/or accessories. Unless you’re a shinigami, this should only talk about a certain style of clothing, rather than going into the specifics of every outfit they own. The only specific accessory that needs to be fully described is something the character almost always has on them or that carries special meaning to the story.
Personality MINIMUM TO GET A GRADE. THESE MUST ABSOLUTELY BE MET BEFORE YOU GIVE THEM A GRADE ~Personality has at least 100 words ~Goals and Achievements has something relevant to the character listed ~There should be no more than a total of FIVE grammatical or typo errors for every 100 words. This includes typos, incomplete or run-on sentences, improper usage of commas, semi-colons, hyphens, and periods. For every second time a person uses a single word incorrectly, it counts as a single “error”.
PRIMARY CONCERNS ~General knowledge of when to use descriptive words, how to make good use of words, flowing paragraphs, and the absence of fluff and filler. ~Personality significantly expands on their listed traits and clearly shows how they represent the character and their actions/motives ~They have a character that fits in well with the setting and there are signs of a character that will do well in our type of environment [they have traits that are easy for a new player to use and get off the ground with and/or has noticeable room to grow and develop within our setting, making it easier for them to get Milestones, Power Ups, etc.]
SECONDARY CONCERNS ~The large portion of their personality makes logical sense after reading their history Shinigami Only ~ Personality ties back into their spirit and/or inner world.
ADDITIONAL BENEFITS ~Achievements and Goals ties in well with the character's personality and/or history and feels natural and reasonable [no "my goal is to be captain command" esque stuff] ~Personality and/or Goals ties into the character's power and/or weapon
Power & Race-Specific Details MINIMUM TO GET A GRADE. THESE MUST ABSOLUTELY BE MET BEFORE YOU GIVE THEM A GRADE ~All sections reach their minimum requirements (refer to the templates) ~Power can work within our system and doesn't look outright game breaking (Don't worry about the details here. Just look for godmode stuff, or powers that simply can't work like buffs or debuffs) ~There should be no more than a total of FIVE grammatical or typo errors for every 100 words. This includes typos, incomplete run-on sentences, improper usage of commas, semi-colons, hyphens, and periods. For every second time a person uses a single word incorrectly, it counts as a single “error”.
PRIMARY CONCERNS ~General knowledge of when to use descriptive words, how to make good use of words, flowing paragraphs, and the absence of fluff and filler. ~Power ties into the character's history and/or personality in a very noticeable manner. Shinigami Only ~ Inner Spirit ties into the character's personality and clearly represents the "mentor" role spirits should be played as. This can also manifest as a spirit that otherwise completes what's missing in the character's personality.
SECONDARY CONCERNS Shinigami Only ~ Inner World represents something of the character in some manner or adds an interesting layer to their story.
ADDITIONAL BENEFITS Shinigami Only ~ Shikai fits with their power and otherwise 'makes sense'.
History MINIMUM TO GET A GRADE. THESE MUST ABSOLUTELY BE MET BEFORE YOU GIVE THEM A GRADE ~All three sections are at least 5-7 sentences long (Ideally as a full paragraph. If they have a bunch of one liners or dialogue breaks, that doesn't count. You're looking for a full paragraph) ~There should be no more than a total of FIVE grammatical or typo errors for every 100 words. This includes typos, incomplete or run-on sentences, improper usage of commas, semi-colons, hyphens, and periods. For every second time a person uses a single word incorrectly, it counts as a single “error”.
VALUES EACH TOPIC IS WORTH PRIMARY CONCERNS ~General knowledge of when to use descriptive words, how to make good use of words, flowing paragraphs, and the absence of fluff and filler. ~Each section accurately describes the milestones they represent. Origin discusses anything not entirely relevant to their current character, but explains their roots and where they come from. Rise to power goes into good detail about how they got their power, how they learned to use it, and any sort of trails they had to overcome to achieve the power they are at now. Call to Action has a believable reasoning as to why the character has shifted from being an NPC to player character.
SECONDARY CONCERNS ~They show a clear understanding of storytelling and how character's progress through their lives. ~The way the character behaves and reacts in their history makes sense with their personality and there's a clear connection between their personality and how it impacted events in their life. ~The overall story is believable for the character being portrayed.
ADDITIONAL BENEFITS Shinigami Only ~ Expands on the relationship between the Inner Spirit and Shinigami, showing a level of growth between the two that fits in well with what's presented in the Race Specific section
I'll make this quick. If you want to thread with Kirito or Azuma Kinnosuke, let me know here. Suggest a thread, and I should follow up if I'm interested. Here's what I'm looking for, and how I might be able to help your character grow a tad as well.
Kirito: Kazuto is a character who, in terms of the life cycle, is nearing prestige. He's got an Inner Hollow, learned its name, achieved Bankai, and is slowly on the path to acknowledging his hatred of himself and his reluctance to admit to his own, obvious flaws and mistakes. Currently, he's looking for a few things: one is a similarly powerful fighter, preferably one whom he's connected to (Alain Merrick this is your queue for a fight thread, especially considering I'm on the wanted list). This is because, Kirito, more than anything, needs an even, well-balanced battle between him and another person right now. Hell, he should probably LOSE it, or at least lose something in it. This is both necessary for character development in the grand scheme of things, as well as a deep, personal connection to the concept of loss. If Kirito recognizes that something he has done didn't end well for him and he has nobody else to blame for it? Welp, that's hella development right there! He HAS to acknowledge the person he's become in this case. Meet and greets, as a whole, are something I'm trying to avoid on him right now, mostly because they're not moving the plot forward enough, and that's kind of important at this stage of the life cycle. Besides that, after the fight, Kirito needs a shinigami to come take him into custody (although I don't need that thread just yet). He can, also, do various things for you: this includes, but is not limited to, training with shunpo, training with zanjutsu (or any other blade), and of course a decent partner for conspiracy against the gotei.
Azuma: Azuma is, frankly, a new character who's still finding his way in the world. Contrary to Kirito, Azuma definitely wants these meet and greet threads, as establishing relationships is the most important thing for him at this point. A fight or two might be nice as well, but for now, meetings will suffice if that's all I can get on him. Do hit me up, as I've got 3 spots open on him. He can... do whatever he does, I guess, for you. Azuma isn't exactly a super skillful or mentor like character, so it's best that you come to him in the hopes of establishing some sort of mutually beneficial relationship.
Head of Public Safety Tsukimiya arrives in Hueco Mundo, intent on bringing justice to the criminals who have fled to the desert realm hoping to evade the long arm of the law. She finds what she is looking for in the throne room of Las Noches...
In an attempt to fill the vacuum left by the Queen and Primera's deaths, Segunda Espada Levi Grisha makes a play for the throne and gathers the Hollow-Breeds in order to stake his claim.
Meanwhile, a Shinigami assassin on an unsanctioned mission strikes at a hospital, aiming to rid the world of the Quincy queen's newborn children. Several Quincy rush to the queen's aid as Lieutenant Ogawa escalates the hostilites between mortals and Shinigami.
Kasumi Shinoda - 400
Jian Oreachi - 400
Hazuki Tsukimiya - 375
Alexandria Dewis - 330
Nanami Hideaki - 300
Freyleif Jökulsdóttir - 300
Erek Blackmore - 300
Genki Ogawa - 275
Alexander Terada - 270
Amelia Vietti-Thompson - 260
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