Shinku goes to save a Plus Soul from a Hollow with a single pack of her Legion and does so quickly, but the soul is afraid. Shinku is not only a Hollow, but a big, scary type as well, and the Soul is less than trusting. Before she can continue, however, a badly injured Quincy (Erek) stumbles upon the scene and thinks she is going to eat the soul and attacks.
Shinku is an oddity for a Hollow, lacking the typical malice and predatory instincts that most of her kind possess, and normally will retreat when facing a superior opponent, living to fight another day. The fight with Erek, however, makes her realize that she cannot simply stand by and let her Legion do all the fighting for her, and she fights him herself. Once the battle is over, she finally has the desire to increase her own strength so she can better protect her Legion and feel as though she is more than just a mind to them, but equal as a warrior as well.
Post by Kasumi Shinoda on Oct 4, 2017 19:30:12 GMT -5
Setting: 100 Writing / Wow-factor: 100 CD: 200 Total of 400GP to non-base
You’ve done a nice job putting together a scenario for a fight of two strangers. While there is no history between Shinku and Erek, it’s clear that they are natural enemies who meet under a certain tension that leads to assumptions which flow into a fight.
There are some errors here and there in your posts, but what caught my attention was how you tend to describe what Erek has already described.. It’s fine to react to something he’s doing by, for example, repeat it because Shinku sees/understands something he does differently. However, I would try not to repeat the ‘obvious’ things too much.
The ‘wow’-factor is something I’ve missed with Shinku. It’s probably, and I’m pretty sure that it is, the power that kind of shoots you in the foot here. I have an idea of what you were going for in the fight, but it comes across as NPCs being thrown at Erek. Next time (if you haven’t already), I would suggest for you to use them differently: have Shinku fight and use them as extra help/ distractions. It’ll make the fight more ‘real’ in a certain sense.
I assume that her ‘passive’ nature has to do with her lack of initiative until the very end. That’s why I was glad to see her snap, and act. It was good to witness her realizing that she needs to be stronger. This seems like a good moment to build upon: have her grow stronger and fight her battles herself, instead of relying on the pack so heavily.
Well done, enjoy your 400 GP!
To both (aka Erek as well): I’ve really missed some broad, colorful strokes in this fight (which I’ve expected because it’s a Legendary Challenge). More action (the specific, ‘spectacular’ type), less fodder (so the ‘wow’-factor goes up because you’re actually dealing with the player themself, not GMing their creation), and some attention to the repetitiveness of either your own writing or your partner’s.
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