So this section is a bit messy, but it gives a good enough image of what to expect when passing Moriya. The hair and eyes section are a bit tedious, but still well done. On the flip side, the reiatsu part feels underwhelming, but still interesting in its contrast of implementation.
Personality ~ 200/500
The personality feels a bit non-specific, and there’s more reactions I don’t know to expect from Moriya than I know from this section. Although you expand on the traits in their blurbs, there isn’t much crossover or interaction of them in the main section. There’s a good breath of traits, but I’m not sure whether I find the conflict between greed and benevolence interesting or unbelievable. Some racial views (especially Rukongai citizens and shinigami) would be nice, and perhaps some of Moriya’s goals. The combat personality feels ill-suited, it talks more about why Moriya doesn’t fight or tries to avoid to, rather than what he actually does when forced to.
Power & Race-Specific Details ~ 300/500
Although this is what I consider the best part of the app, it is also the choppiest in terms of writing. Reorganizing and rewriting this section, while maintaining all the great details, would be a boon, since some of it gets repetitive. The spirit itself feels very appropriate for Moriya, yet there isn’t much flavor regarding how she interacts with him beyond her lewd nature (I understand he hasn’t met her yet, but could still use some fleshing out regardless). The world itself is 50/50. The inside portion is great, while the outside just seems throw away. I do like the power, but am a little hesitant about the restriction you’ve placed on yourself in regard to the 3 action limit.
History ~ 100/300
Obviously there’s a lot more you could touch upon in your history beyond the relation to the ‘Old Man’ (would’ve felt less clichéd if he was just Moriya Sr.) The short story regarding him gaining the identity is good, but there really should be more. There is also minimal evidence to how all of this supports who he is and what he does now beyond her business ventures.
Total earned GP: 700! Total base GP: 1,500!
Total GP: 2200!
If you would like to attempt at a higher score in the future, read this post in our Rules to find out how.
Last Edit: Nov 17, 2016 10:42:46 GMT -5 by Shuochang
Post by Sabitsura Moriya on Nov 17, 2016 10:54:35 GMT -5
Okay. Gonna spend dat 700 gp and the 100 gp banked for dat 40 reiastu.
Strength: 25 Defence: 20 Speed:25 Spirit: 10
Unspent GP / Earned / Total GP: 816 / 856 / 2366
Application / Milestone / Base: 700 / 000 / 1,500
Unspent GP / Earned / Total GP: 16 / 856 / 2366
Application / Milestone / Base: 700 / 0 / 1,500
(due to numerical error and me being a fail at basic math. I ended up messing the whole thing. Went back to change things and it should be correct now. also deducted two GP as again, due to maths fail).
UPDATE: grand total for all of this is: 850, 51 gp banked. Also, i have realised that the cost of rei ratio is 1=20. The last claim (the one that got me 10 rei that made me 80 to 90 should be 200, not 250 so I expect a 50 gp refund)
In that case. I will spend both the banked and the refund to Bakudo.
Post by Sora Shiryoku on Mar 31, 2017 16:57:59 GMT -5
Hey Moriya! So, before I approve this, I need to mention, a few times, you've bought reiatsu at 25 GP per point, when it is in fact just 20 GP per point! This means that you have an extra 100 GP exactly to bank, making your banked 101. With that out of the way, this claim is APPROVED!