At no point did I accuse you or directly imply that you should have guilt associated with directly contacting Brianna and "forcing" her into leaving. Other than public posts and the chatbox, I cited no instance in which you accosted her, or openly used malice to directly approach her.
Instead, what I said repeatedly was that you created at atmosphere that she found harassing or 'bullying', and contributed to a culture that she found unwelcoming. I cannot possibly be any more crystal clear than this very vivid distinction which I have made in multiple places. Brianna's own words were to call you, Colin Arascain, out as a reason for her departure. You doubted the authenticity of my statement and I have proven it in spades via a direct quote that I would be happy to share the PM from, and provided additional context.
I did not lie about this.
I've said nothing untrue.
Your statements about having amicable Skype chats with her are wholly irrelevant. As I've stated before, I could cite you a literal mountain of psychological texts regarding power dynamics and abuser/victim relationships. Do note this is NOT said to call you an abuser, merely a reference to the psychological paradigm.
Harassment has multiple forms. You seem to be under the impression that the only way you can harass someone is by directly attacking them and targeting them with malice. Again, aside from some public posts that I'd counsel different wording on, you did not do that. Instead you were negligent about your conduct in chat and in discussion with others. I've no idea if that was done willfully but if we try to debate that we'll be here forever; I do not expect it was. And you perpetuated attitudes and behaviors over a long period of time, some privately and some publicly, that caused Brianna to cite you as a reason for leaving.
Do I believe you acted with the intention to force her to leave? I do not. Do I believe that you were a primary contributor in the reasons for her leaving? Yes. No apology is coming for that, categorically. If you cannot see the fault in your conduct then I'm not sure where to go.
I am not defaming you for pointing this out.
It sure looks to me like you did. The assessment of it as a motte and bailey in the other thread seems pretty accurate. The proper response on your end is to issue an apology to Colin, state that you regret treating this situation the way you did, and admit you should have come to him privately with your concerns as quickly as possible.
Tokiyo, you are a big part of the reason I quit and mostly only pop in to read writers worth reading. Ya'll bully, accuse others of it, and then shut 'em down. Good job. Good job.
And, while we're thinking about it, if "bullying people off the site" is such a concern, maybe we should put up a nice, big, name and shame list with you, Bri, and, heck, even Tova on the board, since ya'll are the reason I left. Or is this one of those things that's selective and I'm not a valued member? It's pretty clearly selective to me. If it wasn't--if it was fair--you'd be off staff, and Colin and Bri would have made up long ago because the fact that there was a problem was dealt with.
Y'know what causes drama? A lack of transparency. It's always people who are mad about something but don't want to take it to someone to get it dealt with putting monkey wrenches in the works. "Oh god, I'm too scared to tell this person I don't like something they're doing! I'll tell the staff, who will do nothing about it except treat the accused poorly! Wow! Perfect!"
If all this stuff was out in the open, there'd be a lot less drama.
Every case of bad forum management I've seen is the lack of transparency.
She is the dark one, the enemy and lover without
whom my very existence would be pathetic and vulgar.
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