Walking A Razor's Edge[Private/ Koku] Sept 17, 2013 15:01:06 GMT -5
Post by Zazi on Sept 17, 2013 15:01:06 GMT -5
A few weeks earlier...
Everything she had left.....She no longer had. Her home she had destroyed, her only friend was gone, the only thing she had left was a picture that she couldn't even see. On top of that, It was an old picture, It was probably fading already and lord knows if anyone could even make it out. But alas, Alexandra clutched to that picture like her life depended on it. Her fingers and palms nearly bleeding at this point, Having not let it go for almost 2 days now. She wandered, Not having a home...A family...Nobody. It seemed even the voices in her head stopped talking to her. She didn't know why, Maybe it was her own fault but everyone seemed to just abandon her all at once. Sure,her and Yuutarou hadn't been together long but...she felt like she had a deep connection with him and now even he stopped talking to her. The more Alex thought about it...The more she feared it was her fault, like she'd pushed him so far away that now she couldn't hear his angelic voice anymore.
Alex didn't really know what to do, Standing admist the rubble of her former life. Slowly sinking to her knees as tears welled up in her eyes "Wha...What have I done to deserve this? Do I really deserve to just be alone for the rest of my life?" She thought to herself, Not really expecting an answer anymore "Do I truly deserve to just be tossed aside now? I guess I probably do...I got this power out of selfishness...Only wanting it so I could protect myself...To know everything that exists...And I failed at that too. I failed to protect Mother and Father...I failed to protect my friends...and I failed to protect my life."
Six weeks later...
The human world was a detestable place, surrounded by weakness and ignorance at every twist and turn. There was no real power here, no pride to be had in living a blissful little life that was unaware of its own surroundings.No, this was not a place to call home. This was a temporary occupancy in a realm she did not cherish, not in the slightest, which is why she found herself wandering from place to place, whether it was another city or some barren wasteland. It kept her busy and allowed her to focus on things that did not involve the human world. She never offered to help Humanity in the least, not unless it benefited her absolutely. Her company was a means to move beyond the realm she was confined to. She knew the other worlds had more to offer. More knowledge that stretched beyond her horizon. But reliable people...They were few and far between, having met only the weak while roaming the world, not even Shinigami she had encountered had the strength to fulfill the roles she desired, and if they did, their heart was weak.
That weakness would only prove to be an obstacle, one that she could not afford should her plans ever come to fruition. Now, she found doubting her own life. Lying within a tub of self-pity and shame...literally. The once warm water of the tub was now at best room temperature, but she didn't care. She sank to the bottom of the tub, contemplating her thoughts, ignoring the odd feeling that was gathering within her, a sensation that was rather unsettling, but she shrugged it off as mere exhaustion, tired from the events that happened only a few weeks ago. She watched the ceiling of her bathroom shimmer back and forth as the water eclipsed her head. The small bubbles that escaped her nostrils floated up to the surface to run from her as well. Her hair. It drifted upwards as well, like the tendrils of an octopus. They danced in the small flow of the water as she lie upon the bottom of the tub.
How long had she been under the water? Her head was beginning to feel light. She issued a large bubble from her mouth and then surfaced. As the water rushed from her naked body, she wiped the plastered hair from her face. She sat there, her arms wrapped around her legs. She hated this world, but why? She had no reasoning. No. That was a lie. She had nothing in this world to tie her down to begin with. No family. No friends. She had her power and an eternal craving for knowledge. She longed for the other worlds, whether it be in death or in life. But she was too weak to kill herself or seek death openly. That's what it ultimately came down to. Fear. She wanted the fearless to do what she feared to do. She lacked the power to do anything...to which it weakened her resolve.
She removed herself from the tub. Her leg caught the edge of the tub and she fell to the floor. She lay there. The pain was minimal, but she just didn't possess the strength to move freely. She had no drive to do anything. Her head turned to the side. She could see inventions that she had not yet completed...or rather she could not complete. Her mind fumbled over concepts she knew she could write books on. She couldn't concentrate on anything. She closed her eyes. What was the point in struggling...she didn't even understand why she struggled.